Uncertainty

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I intend to work at writing genuine small moments, working on my craft within them, finding meaning in each slice of life. But today I feel silly writing about anything else besides this overriding feeling…
… of uncertainty.
I write from such a place of privilege- let me put that right out there. I have health and lots of resources. I live in a city where Covid 19 has just begun to show. But every email, every exchange today reeks of uncertainty over the Coronavirus.
 Who will come to the book club meeting tomorrow? Who will come but not eat? Will we postpone? To when?
 Will my friend with a cold go inside her mother’s assisted living facility to pick her up?
 How will my friend who helps babysit her daughter’s one year old twins keep herself well, for them?
 The stock market tanked- again. Will my husband retire when he planned to, this June, or keep working?
 My students are a little nuts. Is it anxiety over this thing?
 I get daily emails from the mayor, the school superintendent, my principal, about how to respond to concerns and how we are considering future possibilities.
 My principal has changed the agenda for our staff meeting tomorrow to- guess what.
 I have been reading some slicing participants who are actively distance teaching. Do I have the technological “chops” to do my part, if we have to move to all teaching from home?
 And do I have enough toilet paper, canned tuna, allergy meds, cat food stashed away?

I write this even though it makes me feel spoiled and silly. Insensitive to those who are really in trouble. I also write this with a feeling of bigger, bigger consequences just around the corner. WORLD-WIDE- Can our wireless technology keep up with the demand of so much simultaneous use if school and many jobs are using it? How on earth can health facilities keep up? Vital research? What happens when we realize how much we depend on a wide variety of service providers, who can’t go about their business? In times of trouble, will we descend into prejudice and greed? How do we support our fellow humans if we have to fear being with each other?

While writing this, my computer screen flashed two messages just received- both about a future dealing with this pandemic. I act normal, but I am feeling anxious and sick with all this…
Uncertainty.

PS: To help the kids, check out: npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/

It is a comic answering kid’s questions about Coronavirus.

Part of the comic referenced above.

8 thoughts on “Uncertainty

  1. There are so many more questions than answers right now, and I think the key is to not panic. We had a school close in my state today, so it is becoming more real for us.

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  2. I am with you, Fran. It is on many people’s minds. You carry the weight of the world in this slice. Perhaps now that it is written, it’s out there, and you can prepare mentally for the different scenarios.

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  3. I echo your feelings. We will never know if we have prepared enough, but it sounds like you are doing the best you can do!

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  4. The Coronavirus seems to be closing in on us. My son’s school was closed today (here in DC) because one of the staff was exposed to the virus.
    I don’t think you should apologize at all – you are not insensitive or silly or spoiled. This is a very real thing that is affecting us all in one way or another. The uncertainty of it all is unsettling.

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